I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
soo... how was my night?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
