Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
