dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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