My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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