K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
