Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I checked into jail on foursquare
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I want a musical about memes.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
