FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
