i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
