my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize