I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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