Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
look no pants
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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