what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
