i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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