She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
