Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If its not for food we ain't going out.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
