i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
