she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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