just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
