Redeem this text for a blowjob
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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