is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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