Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
id be glad to
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
