: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
