why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
