don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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