Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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