Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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