I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
