Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
