What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
