After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
