Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
