He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
