Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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