whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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