I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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