I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
