I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize