Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
