fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
