So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
