he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
