In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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