his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
