Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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