1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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