he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im holly from the hills drunk
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
