So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
