Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
