Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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