NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
