I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
