Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
