so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
