all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
