Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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