Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize