What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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