You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
