No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
