So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
