I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
