I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
