just come out here and I will go home with you...
barbara walters just said penis...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
