the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Send help, water and tortillas.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
