Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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