It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
