i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
