a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
