Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
