for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
