I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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