I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
