You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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