:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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