He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
