I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Randomize
