i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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