Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
