oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize