I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
