Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
