dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
