My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
