We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Drunk is a universal language darling
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
