I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
