Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
