drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
